


No Laughing Matter

by Fides



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-28
Updated: 2003-04-28
Packaged: 2017-10-02 22:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fides/pseuds/Fides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Response to the Kid Challenge on The Cartouche: "Write a J/D slash story where Jack and Daniel are lovers. While on a mission either Jack or Daniel get turned into a kid." An alien artifact gives Jack the body of a 10 year old for a month and Daniel is the one that has to look afters him. You just know it is going to go horribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Laughing Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Cedara for the beta. Any remaining errors are most definitely mine.

~Mobile phone beeping~

"Samantha Carter"

"Sam, you have got to help me..."

"Daniel? Look, I don't know any more about kids than you do. If you want help with Jack call Janet."

"...I've been arrested."

"You... WHAT!"

"Well, held for questioning or something. General Hammond is going to kill me. You have _got_ to help me."

"What happened?"

"Jack! What else! I told you I wasn't very good with kids."

"You didn't..."

"NO! I didn't do anything to him. Don't _you_ start."

"Don't... huh? Who has been saying what, Daniel? Jack's O.K, isn't he?"

"I don't know! One minute I am sitting at Jack's, working, and the next I'm being dragged away by some large police officers with guns, and Jack is trying to kneecap some social worker."

"They have taken Jack into care? I don't know who to feel more sorry for."

"It's not funny Sam. They won't let me see him. They won't even tell me where he is."

"O.K. Daniel, calm down. We'll sort something out. First tell me what happened?"

"I'm... I'm not really sure. They seem to think I... interfered with Jack. They keep saying something about some witness overhearing me saying he was too old for me to find him attractive any more."

"There is a certain irony there."

"Sam!"

"Sorry. I know it isn't funny."

"Sam, they have taken all the computers... including my laptop."

"Oh boy. But everything is encrypted, isn't it? I installed the programme myself. You said you were using it"

"I am. And so is Jack. But what do you think they thought when they found top grade encryption on all of the computers? Including his."

"Oh. Didn't you tell them you were working for the military?"

"Of course I told them. They _claim_ to be checking it out. But I couldn't exactly tell them Jack was also working for the military."

"What did you tell them?"

"I said that I worked with his father who was also called Jack, and that I was looking after him while his father was away."

"O.K. That sounds good."

"And now they want to question him as well."

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh. Apparently leaving your kids with your male friend is suspicious. Especially when there isn't a kid's bedroom. Or kids toys."

"I hadn't thought of that. Ummm... Where...?"

"With me. As in 'next to' not... Oh God Sam. He hasn't been sleeping well with everything, and Janet didn't want him left alone so I let him sleep in my bed... his bed... you know what I mean."

"You explained that."

"Yes. They said he didn't look very ill. And something about me being the sick one."

"But that's it? Some busybody mishearing things and them thinking a guy looking after a kid is odd."

"Well... not quite."

"Not quite?"

"I was working on the stuff that we brought back from our last trip."

"Our last trip?"

"Yes. _That_ one."

"What with the... and the... Oh!"

"Exactly."

"And it wasn't encrypted because you were working on it..."

"Help me Sam... Sam?... Sam! Stop laughing! How am I going to explain this to the General? How am I going to explain this to the police?"

"Don't panic... I'll think of something. Are you sure that's everything?"

"Unless Jack has been hanging out in adult chat rooms again."

"Again?!?"

"He said that they didn't treat him like a kid and that everyone else was just because he looked like one."

"What did you do?"

"Sent him to his room and revoked his Internet privileges for a week. Sam, we have got to do something."

"O.K. I will get onto the General and explain everything to him. We'll get you out of there."

"And find Jack."

"We will... Daniel?"

"Yes? What exactly did you say to Jack?"

"I think I told him to stop flirting and that of course I didn't find him attractive any more - he looked 10."

"~Muffled snort~ O.K. I didn't ask and I'm not laughing. Really. Look don't worry, we'll get him back. You said yourself that the effect from the... _thing_... would only last a month."

"Well, a lunar cycle, which in this case probably equates to three of our weeks given the relative positions of the.... You know all that better than I do. But Sam... what happens when... when 'his father' comes back and 'he' leaves. I don't want to be back here accused of killing him."

"Well our first priority is getting you, him and the computers out of there and then we can worry about it."

"Sam, tell the General that I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Now just don't say anything until we get there."

"I won't. And thanks Sam."

"No problem."

~click~

* * *

"Doctor Jackson? Your lawyer is here. A Mr Murry?"


End file.
